


mistletoe maxim

by ahatfullofoctarine (orphan_account)



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beginnings, Bisexuality, Christmas Fluff, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Implied Relationships, Kinda, Language, Mistletoe, Multi, Pre-Relationship, Randomness, Slice of Life, True Love, Vignette, wingman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-24 18:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17105891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ahatfullofoctarine
Summary: In which: Noct likes Light and might like Nyx(?); Nyx still likes Light and is starting to like Noct; Light likes Noct and used to like Nyx (and probably still does) and everyone underestimates Cor.It works out.Christmas Crossover. Nyx/Noct/Light. Mistletoe as a plot device.





	mistletoe maxim

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JazzRaft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazzRaft/gifts).



> Another year in the rarepair basement levels, done and dusted! Here's to many more misadventures and trapdoors, my infamous co-signer and enabler. Happy Holidays!! Bring on 2019! :D
> 
> So this...blows out the original prompt wildly out of proportion, but you will find it if you squint xD
> 
> Just, uh. 
> 
> Tossing darts at ye olde RarePair dartboard labelled Uncharted Territory, you know how it is. I don't know where I was going with this, but it was fun lolol

It was the tail end of a mandatory training exercise hosted by Lucis’ rivals from Luxerion when Noctis noticed it. A tiny sprig taped to the rafters a few feet above his hiding spot in the abandoned warehouse, barely longer than his index finger, but enough to trigger a disproportionate amount of rage and irrationality in the normally unflappable detective.  

Or maybe having stewed in his own sweat and stink in this baggy, not to mention weighed get-up for the excruciating part of two hours,  _following_ an obstacle course that might as well have been crafted by the Devil Himself, Noctis had reached boiling point. It didn’t matter anymore that they were neck and neck toward victory. He was going to obliterate that stupid parasitic weed to blue kingdom come if it killed him.

So he did.

And with the clarity that accompanies the aftermath of a violent tropical hurricane in which one realizes their insurance won’t be enough to cover the damages—he instantly regretted it, thunking his head against the butt of his paintball rifle.  

“Stupidstupidstupid—”

 

. . .

 

 

Parked a few meters away from the warehouse sat a surveillance truck that served as the judging panel for today’s final exercise.  With the trademark heat of Luxerion summer bearing down on them outside, the air conditioning had been dialled to full blast, but Captain Leonis was sweating anyway. He was also dragging a hand down his face, as if hopeful the act would help scrub the last fifteen seconds of  _incomprehensible stupid_  he’d just witnessed on the monitors.  Detective Caelum might as well have climbed atop of the crate he’d been hiding beneath and yelled out ‘Marco!’ at the top of his lungs.  

Beside him, Captain Rosch of the Luxerion Unit idly spun a pen between his fingers.  

“As one might say,” he said, “third time’s the charm.”

“ _Shut up_.”

 

. . .

 

“How’d you know that’d even  _work_?”

Fang was in awe, chasing after Lightning as they converged on Noctis’ location, wondering if ‘Claire’ was short for  _‘clair_ voyant’: the woman had gunned it long before the guy had given up the ghost.  

“Ex-partner.” Lightning shrugged.

She vaulted over a crate and continued running, a blur of pink and black not once losing momentum—which was more than could be said for Fang, who on any other given day would have kept up easily if not for the fact that Lightning’s answer had come across as oddly ambiguous.

She stumbled to a halt, staring.  

“Romantically or professionally?” 

Rumors had been aflutter around the precinct the moment the Insomnia lineup had been posted. Fang wouldn't have bought into any of it, if not for the fact that Lightning had apparently tried to get out of participating this year, and had  stormed (haha,  _stormed_ ) out of Rosch’s office when the Captain had refused to accomodate her.

No answer from Lightning.

“… _both_?”

 

. . .

 

Noctis felt the thundering of footsteps closing in on his location before he heard it. Being demoted from Hunter to Hunted, the experience was terrifying to endure; more so the innate knowledge that the 'perps' from Luxerion were seconds away from victory. Honing in on his position like bloodhounds on the scent of an escaped convict.  There was no way out for him, but maybe the new guy could turn this thing around.

Leonis claimed Nyx was a wildcard back at his old stomping grounds. So far he’d outlasted the more seasoned officers representing Insomnia, though whether that guaranteed bragging rights after a two-year drought against Luxerion was still unironically up in the air.

He touched his earpiece. “Nyx.”

 _“I saw and I’m enroute.”_ Nyx panted, tone halfway between amused and empathetic.

“Enroute?”

 _“What,”_ Nyx chuckled,  _“did you think I’d leave my new partner out to dry?  That’s not how I roll.”_

“How noble of you.”

_“Lucians.  Always so cynical. No wonder your crime rate’s so low.”_

“You mean violent crime. We still have our fair share of the other types on this end. And last I checked that was a good thing.” 

“‘ _It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.’ Know where_ that’s _from Mr. Fair Share?”_

“No, but I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.” Noctis rolled his eyes.

“ _1984\. Surprised it’s not required reading for you guys--ahh there you are. So listen._   _I’ve got a plan to cinch this thing, but I’m gonna to need you to put on your best_ Leon Spinks. _”_

“I hate you.” Noctis declared. “More importantly I hate that you somehow figured I’d understand that reference.”

_“I didn't figure anything, just hoped to God you had good taste in movies. Now Mr. Spinks if you don't mind, Gloves Up.”_

_This is gonna hurt_.  Noctis thought.

He peered around the corner, then crawled out, hands raised above his head the moment he was upright again. Lightning, ever the competitive asshole, took aim anyway, smirking as she approached.  A few steps behind Fang appeared to dawdle, wary of the fact that they’d run right out in the open. Her gaze was cast shrewdly to the rafters above; widening in horror the second she found what she’d apparently been hoping  _not_ to.

“Pay dirt.” Nyx declared.

“Light wait—” Fang grabbed her by the arm, but the warning had come too late: a hailstorm of blue pellets rained swift and intent on then both: exploding against their chest, arms and legs.  They skidded to a halt just as quickly as the deluge started and suddenly let up, Lightning kicking a hole into a nearby crate out of frustration.

 

. . .

 

From his perch, Nyx couldn’t resist the chance to gloat.

“Aww did I steal your  _thunder, Lightning_?  Ha, get it? Because—” without looking Lightning pointed her rifle overhead and shot him in the groin-- “FUCK!”

Nyx descended.

There might have been a litany of choice galahdian curse words to accompany the latter on the way down, but the three second journey from the rafters to the feet of the two Luxerion officers wouldn’t have allowed for it.  From the front of the warehouse, a megaphone siren went off to signal the end of the exercise.

“And that’s that.” Fang said.

 

. . .

 

Rosch retrieved a hundred dollar note from his wallet and handed it over.  Leonis, noting the that the impassive expression on his rival Captain’s face hadn’t changed since the start of the exercise--hell, since the day had  _begun_ \--couldn’t help but look this gift horse in the mouth.  No Captain worth their salt become such without an overly keen eye for observation. He jumped after Rosch into the sunlight, hot on the latter’s ponytail.

“You were expecting this.” Leonis said. One of the officers from Rosch’s precinct hopped out of another van and came running toward them, handing Rosch a megaphone.

“Thank you Vanille.” ‘Vanille’ gave a thumbs up and hurried away. Rosch threaded his hand through the strap, looking bored.  “You’re growing paranoid in your old years.”

“Says the guy with grey hair.”

“ _Silver_.” Rosch corrected with a chuckle. “And I’m  _younger_ than you, since we’re on the topic.”

“ _And_  you were expecting this.” Leonis insisted. It was the first time he’d ever heard the man laugh, but he wasn’t so easily side-tracked. Still, he filed that tidbit to torture Rosch about later.  As tempting as it was, it was bad faith to belittle a fellow captain in front of his own team.

Not that Rosch had any reservations on his part. He turned to Leonis as they arrived at the bay doors, peering over his aviators at him.   

“ _I_  was expecting the  _elite team_   _I_ had  _handpicked_ to  _defend_ our title to  _lose_ ,” he scoffed. “Careful with that reach, Leonis. You might hurt your back.”

“Your star player was rattled.  _Sloppy_.” Leonis pointed out.  The more he reflected on the day’s events as they unfolded, the more his tinfoil hat started to resemble a regular hat. Lightning had taken to each of the challenges with a brutal efficiency, just shy of malicious compliance.  “Like she didn’t want to be here and you pulled rank. Trouble in paradise? Because we have some empty seats on our end.”

Rosch glanced at the security camera overhead expectantly. When no activity followed, he pointed a finger in warning to whoever was on the other end, that did the trick; the internal mechanisms sliding against each other, creaking noisily as the doors rolled upward.

“ _Your_ star player was sloppy.” Rosch said, ignoring the quip.  “I’ve seen jackhammers with more elegance.”

“Noctis isn’t my star player.” Leonis said. He wasn’t going to deny the second one, but he sure as hell wasn’t dignifying it with a response either.  “He was thrown off by something and he usually  _isn’t_ , and I’m starting to think  _you_ had a hand in it, and  _your_ star player wasn’t too happy about it so blink twice or cough if I’m right.”

Rosch did neither. His mouth twitched, though.   

“Just take your hundred dollars and go Leonis.”

He pressed the siren button, drowning out the rest of the other captain's accusations.

 

.  . .

 

Lightning yanked off her visor, shaking out her hair to try to restore some of the lost volume. Sunlight streamed in through a hole in the ceiling and illuminated her face from behind like a halo.  For the two seconds Nyx spent staring up at her, taking in the wholly unimpressed expression on her face, he forgot she was the one responsible for his fall from grace.

“Still as sharp as ever.” He said. 

Lightning's mouth tugged, but other than that her composure remained unchanged.

“Still as _childish_ as ever,” she replied.

 She turned heel and made a beeline for Noctis.

Not that Nyx could blame her; he’d make a beeline for Noctis too. He'd only known Noctis for all of two weeks and from what he'd observed the guy had that charming introvert act down to the last strand of DNA and didn't even seem to be aware of it. Women dug that. Nyx dug it too--

Fang punched Nyx in the arm the moment he got up.

“That’s for camping like a little bitch,” she groused, rubbing her knuckles.  “Are you wearing  _rocks_  under there?”

“No rocks, just one hundred percent lean Galahdian beef.  No chemicals or additives.” 

“Whatever you say,  _bumpkin_.”

“So which one of you lovely ladies is buying the first round?  And don’t get stingy, I know one of you rolled up in here in that Tesla.”

While Nyx attempted to wheedle his way into free drinks, Noctis was on the warehouse floor, a knee drawn up to his chest to stretch his back. He’d only just returned to active duty two weeks ago, and for the moment was religiously following his physiotherapist’s prescribed stretching regimen. 

Lightning crouched momentarily near the blue puddle of paint dripping a few steps away from his former hidey hole to pick something up before continuing on to him.

“That was cheating, you know.” Noctis said, once she was within earshot.

“Is it really cheating if I didn’t know how effective it’d be?” Lightning asked, crouching to his level. She held out a gloved palm: the tattered blue remnants of the mistletoe he hadn’t succeeded in obliterating from existence sitting dead centre in the leather. Noctis glowered at it, and then her.

“No, it’s  _cheating_  because I told you that in  _confidence_ , and you used it against me.” 

"Interesting." Lightning chucked the mistletoe over her shoulder. She stuck out her other hand as peace offering.  

“You mean  _weird_.”

“No I mean interesting.”  Lightning grunted, pulling him upright.  She held his gaze for a second longer than Noctis anticipated before starting to where the others were gathered.

 

. . .

 

 

 _Yusnaan_ wasn’t anything close to the watering hole Nyx’s new teammates frequented after hours, and the fact that it sat on Pulse’s outer rim didn’t deter it from being the quintessential hub for the Luxerion nightlife. Leonis had wanted to leave as soon as the debrief was done to beat the evening traffic, but Rosch refused to let them leave without anyone from Insomnia Unit suffering the perfect hangover as proof of that Luxerians were graceful losers.

If Nyx had reservations about their mounting bar tab, those were inevitably tossed back with all the pints Fang continued to pass along to him. By the time he reached his fifth, he was pretty sure he’d agreed to be best man at her upcoming wedding. She also asked him to be godfather to her future, born-via-gestational-surrogate children, but Nyx couldn’t remember what answer he’d given her—if any. The need to empty his bladder had overrode all social convention, and before he knew it, he was legging it to the Men’s.

 

. . .

 

Fang pressed STOP on her wrist watch, snickering.  Behind the bar, Snow had just finished pouring shots on a serving tray.

“New record?” he asked.

“Just two seconds short of yours,” Fang answered.

She drained the rest of Nyx’s tankard and slid it back across the counter. Snow took it, glancing up at her cynically.

“Is he really,  _seriously_  gonna be your best man? Because I thought you already had that covered.”

“I think a really,  _seriously_ , better question is: would I let that Galahdian tolerance go to waste?”

Snow frowned.

“What? He’s got a pretty face; he’ll look great at my side.” Fang shrugged.

“Not disputing that; just that that’s not how weddings work.” 

“Yeah, well it’s my first time round, so I deserve a pass.”

“Again;  _not_  the point I was trying to make.  And I think the expectation is your first time is supposed to  _stick_. It's marriage, Fang, not a boxing match.”

“Hmph. At any rate he’ll be sober enough for the speeches so I'm keeping him and he’ll be the  _best_  best man I ever had.” Fang stroked her chin thoughtfully and in a quieter tone added, “still working on that sperm donor...wait a sec...I've got it!”

“I don't think you can legally ‘keep’ a person--” Snow started, but Fang had hopped off her stool, and was already pushing through the sea of patrons to get to Vanille by the time he reached the last syllable in ‘legally’.

“Babe! Snow just had the  _best_  idea!”

Vanille let out an excited squeak as Fang relayed the news to her.

“Jesus,” Snow muttered.

From one corner of the bar, it felt as if he was being watched. When he glanced over, he wasn't sure whether to be relieved or terrified at the huge, possibly manic grin on Serah’s face. Perched on the edge of her stool, as if fighting to keep still, or fighting the urge to leap up in jubilation, she nodded to the other corner where Noctis and Lightning had a table to themselves.

“So?” Snow mouthed. Lightning usually preferred talking to people one on one, anyway.  Noctis wasn't any different. Their heads were leaned in towards each other because their table was placed right where the subwoofers were. Worst table in the house.

Serah was prepared for his cynicism. She pointed upward, and that was when Snow spotted the mistletoe hanging above the duo's table. Serah winked the moment she caught his eye again, and raised her cocktail glass.

Oh boy.

 

. . .

 

“C’mon, just tell me!”

One couldn't have picked a more terrible spot to have this inevitable, awkward conversation in full view of your teammates if you gave Lightning a map and coordinates.  She was proud of this fact, but was clever enough to hide it. It was hard enough trying not to laugh while Noctis shouted himself hoarse enough to be heard, but that was his fault for wanting to sit with her. His tenacity was adorable, though.

“If I tell you, you won't learn," she said. “Refill?”

“A clue, then!  You owe me  _that_  much!”

Lightning snorted.  She did, but she had too much self respect to know what he was asking didn't even scrape close to repaying the debt that was owed.  Besides, he was drunk. Drunk people never knew what they wanted _._   

“Are you a detective or aren't you?” 

She took their empty glasses and slid out of her seat without another word. On her way back to the bar she ran into a wall she was sure hadn't been there a second prior to collision. The wall steadied her and took a step back.

“You okay?” Nyx shouted. He was grinning. For the life of her Lightning couldn't figure out why.  _Exes._

“Never been better!” Lightning answered, grinning too wide to be construed as sincere.

“And Odin?”

Like hell she was going to rehash that old argument here. “Like I said: never been better!”

“Good! That's good!” But then he pulled her in close, leaning in toward her ear. “So why you being mean to my new partner? Sour grapes?”

“ _My ass_ ,” Lightning scoffed.  “He's just an idiot!”

“What's that supposed to mean!”

“It means I’m trying to help him but he doesn't want to help  _himself_ , now move!”

Nyx stepped aside.

Lightning, feeling vindictive, still found a way to shoulder him on her way past.

 

. . .

 

“Knew you missed me!” Nyx called after her. He turned and surveyed the table she had just come from, and mentally rolled up his sleeves.

“Now then.”

 

. . . 

 

Noctis was slumped on his arms, idly scratching something into the tabletop when Nyx dragged Lightning’s empty stool beside him and planted himself in it.

“Spinks!” Nyx announced cheerfully, “What do you need?”

“Need?” Noctis looked genuinely confused, as if he'd been expecting a different question.  He noticed the mistletoe taped to the lamp hanging over their table and hastily snatched it, hurling it far from their table as possible.  

“Yeah, what do you need. Wingman?” Nyx asked.  “Another beer? A hug? Because I can get you all those!”

“How about a cheat sheet for the female mind?” Noctis asked sarcastically.

“Coming right up!” Nyx slid out of his seat. Noctis grabbed his arm before he could make headway.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing?”

“Getting you a lesbian, what's it look like?”

Noctis’ grip relaxed, but he didn't let go. “Which one?”

Nyx weighed the pros and cons of all the candidates in his mind, and made his decision.

“Nabaat. She's nice...ish.”

“She scares me.”

“Alright, Fang.”

Noctis shook his head.

“Why not, she’s cool!”

“She'll make fun of me.”

“She makes fun of  _everyone_.”

“I don't want Fang.”

 _Won't Fang be relieved to hear that_ , Nyx thought. “Well that just leaves Vanille--”

“—who’ll just tell Fang!” Noctis snapped.  

Fine. “Okay, new plan!” Nyx tugged him out of his seat and started dragging him to the balcony outside. No sooner did the automated bi-folds close behind him did he let go.

“Hey what the hell—” Noctis stumbled over to the railing and clung to it. 

“What a view, huh?” Nyx remarked.

He produced an Altoid tin from his jacket pocket and popped a few into his mouth before offering it to Noctis. Noctis shook his head. Nyx pocketed the mints and leaned against the rails. 

“So listen. I don't know any men who'd be qualified on the topic, but if you need help deciphering the enigma that is  _Lightning_ , just know that she means well. Her  _means_ , might be a little...coarse, but that's just her style. She doesn't spoon feed. Ever!”

“How'd you know that?”

“Did a couple of tours with her in Rubrum.” Among other things, Nyx refrained from adding. “So I know how she thinks. What did she say to you?”

“A whole lot of  _nothing_  to be honest.”

“Does it have anything to do with you being the arch enemy of the Christmas spirit?”

“ _What_?” Noctis laughed. “I don’t have anything against Christmas. I  _love_  Christmas.  I get to spend time with my dad.”

“So just mistletoe then.  Interesting.”

“Light said the same thing.”

“I know. I heard you over the comms.  Can I ask?”

“Promise not to laugh?”

“Did Lightning?” Noctis shook his head. “Then I’m not going to.  Bad experience?”

Noctis hunched over the railing, staring out into the dark.  “When I was ten, my mom and I got into a car accident. Drunk driver. Ran us right off the road into a ravine. Last thing I remember was the mistletoe growing on the tree our car wrapped around.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“I mean...it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it did. Just annoying, you know? Like when you’re trying to read something and you lose a page because someone’s trying to talk to you so you have to take a minute to find everything again.”

“You seemed more than ‘annoyed’ today.” 

“Uh…yeah.” Noctis shook his head. “That was low of her. Thing is; I was kind of expecting from her.  She pulled the same shit when we worked together two years ago. Kept planting it all over the precinct until I told her the whole story. And then  _kept_  planting it. Evil, right? I blew up at her before she left.”

That didn’t sound at all like the Lightning Nyx knew. “Who else knows about it?”

“Including you and Light?” Nyx shrugged. “My closest friends, my dad—”

“The Captain?”

“Uh yeah, of course. Leonis always makes it a point to know everything about us.  Our strengths, our struggles.  Not in a creepy way; just to help us work best together. He was always cool enough to ban mistletoe at the precinct for me when the holiday season rolled around. I haven’t seen any this year, thank God.”

“Except for two years ago.”

“Yeah.”

Nyx turned and leaned his back against the railing with a yawn.  “And except for this year, during the paintball session, right?”

He didn’t have to look to see the look on Noctis’ face as the realization hit him like a suckerpunch to the gut. The next word out of the guy told him everything he knew, and everything he would  _need_  to do in the next fifteen seconds:

“MOTHERF—”

 

. . .

 

Lightning had taken one bite of her steak when the commotion at the balcony happened, and wouldn’t have ever spared any attention to it had there been no wolf-whistling and cheering in response to it. She choked on the tenderloin, spitting it back onto her plate.

“Ew,” Fang said, but she continued scabbing fries off of her anyway.

Lightning pushed her plate aside. She had no guesses to who had been the instigator with how tightly Nyx and Noctis were wrapped up in each other, kissing like a ban was going to be enacted against PDAs the following day,  _in full view_ of their superiors and fellow officers, but she sure as hell wasn't sticking around to watch the rest.

 

. . .

 

Two seats down from Lightning’s, Leonis was smiling as he polished off the rest of his cheeseburger. 

“Well, _well_.” He said. “Looks like the neighborhood grinch doesn’t hate mistletoe as much as he claims he does.” Best of all, he didn’t even have to lift a finger this time.

“You’re a messed up man, you know that, right?” Rosch said.          

“Whatever. At least I didn’t have to pull rank to get the result I wanted.  Speaking of result, that’s another hundred you owe me.”

 

. . .

 

Nyx pulled back, grinning as Noctis opened his eyes, blinking owlishly. He reached out and booped Noctis on the nose.

“I…what the hell just happened?” Noctis asked. He wasn’t complaining, but he certainly held off from asking where the guy learnt to kiss like  _that_. 

“Nothing, just gave you another memory to associate with that plant that you despise so much.” Nyx tilted his chin to the awning above them, where a sprig of the stuff was taped to the support beam.

“Huh…” said Noctis.

“And distract you from trying to take a swing at your boss.” Nyx added. “You can file a complaint in the morning, when your head’s clearer.”

Noctis' anger stirred up again. Erupted.

“That manipulative son of a bitch—”

Nyx caught him by the tail of his jacket and dragged him back.

“He’s not worth it and I don’t want a new partner. I kinda like you.”

Noctis cleared his throat, feeling awkward. It had only just occurred to him that Nyx had inadvertently backed him up against the railing. No escape.

“I…I-I like women.” He stammered, trying to keep his gaze from straying back to Nyx’s mouth.  “Mostly? I think? Uh. When I was fourteen I was at space camp with Prompto—”

“Whoa, I like women too.” Nyx cut in with a smile, as if he found the whole thing amusing. “No one’s saying you don’t. And no one’s saying you have to have this equation solved the moment you’re served with it. You’ve got time.”

Noctis rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh still. That was nice.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Nyx winked. “Now, do you plan on standing out here all night, or do you have enough energy to chase down Light and apologise and maybe finally ask her out?”

“ _What_?”

"Read your file. You took a bullet for her, didn't you.  Anyways,  _I_  plan on doing the chasing myself, but I’m feeling generous enough to give you a head start.”

Noctis narrowed his eyes at him. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you didn’t think I stood a chance.”

“No; I’m saying that because I _know_ you  _do_. Get going, Spinks. Clock’s ticking.”

 

. . .

 

Economically speaking, Luxerion was the most liveable city in Pulse, especially where her current salary was concerned. If Lightning wanted, she could have stopped at any of the hole in the wall places and picked up a steak and fries meal to rival the one she’d left behind in Yusnaan. Unfortunately, that meant waiting, and waiting meant standing idly and mulling over…whatever the hell  _that_  was. Right now she preferred to do just the opposite. 

“’Amicable’, my ass,” Lightning muttered. He was still bitter about Odin.

Of course he'd try to sabotage her.

Next time she saw Nyx, her fist was going to finish the job where the paintball pellets stopped short. What was he, five?

 

. . . 

 

There was a twenty-four hour grocery shop on the ground floor of her apartment complex, and that knowledge made the hike all the more bearable. She calculated that it’d be a ten minute stop inside the grocery store, a five minute elevator ride, and an extra fifteen chopping up the onions and frying the sausages for her 3AM hotdogs.

What she didn’t count on, was getting stuck, and getting even more livid. To the owner’s credit, they hadn’t run out of wholemeal buns, and the ones on display were fresh, baked a day earlier.  Where they subsequently lost her trust and appetite, was the way they’d chosen to decorate this section. Taped all along the shelves in neat rows were mistletoe. There was even a sign that read, ‘MERRY CRUSTMAS’.

_Fuck it._

Lightning dropped her basket and stepped forward, absolutely seething. One after the other, mistletoe was ripped from the shelves and tossed carelessly onto the linoleum.

“Crustmas,” Lightning spat. “ _Crust_ mas. Seriously?”

Someone coughed behind her.

Lightning whipped around and glared, hoping for it to be the hapless owner she presently wanted to rip a new one at that very moment. 

It was Noctis and the grocery owner, although the latter didn’t linger, just leaned the dustpan and broom against the nearest shelf and returned to the front.

“What are you doing here?” She demanded. 

Noctis coughed again, one elbow coming up to cover the lower half of his face, evidently to disguise a laugh.

“Um. Hey,” he said. “What um. How are you?”

“You think this is  _funny_?” Lightning demanded.  She started pelting mistletoe at him. “I told you it wasn’t me! I. _Told. You._  Idiot—”

“You’re right. I’m sorry; I'd take it back if I could.” Noctis didn’t flinch, even as some of the mistletoe bounced off his face. “Nyx helped me figure that out. 

Having run out of ammo, and some of her earlier gusto, Lightning crossed her arms.

“I saw,” she said. Against will, she found herself smirking. “He’s a good kisser, isn’t he?”

 

. . .

 

Noctis flushed, one hand covering the redness creeping up his neck. ‘Good’ wasn’t the word he would have used.

“Yeah…”

Lightning nodded. “Yeah. He learnt that from  _me_.”

“ _Bullshit_.” Noctis laughed.

“It’s the truth.” Lightning was smiling at him again. The sight was enough to melt his resolve.

Did nothing to satiate his now burgeoning curiosity, though.

He stepped forward, one hand closing over hers and tugging her in. He could feel his heart hammering wildly in his chest.

“Go on, prove it,” he said.

Lightning leaned in; so close that her lips hovered a few inches from his, but no further.  

“Nope,” she said.

She picked up her shopping basket and was gone.

 

. . . 

 

Nyx was reading a newspaper in bed when Noctis finally shuffled wordlessly into their hotel room. He didn’t bother shrugging out of his jacket or kicking off his shoes, simply flopping face-first into the double bed beside Nyx’s.

Nyx couldn’t hide the smile in his face if he tried.  “She pulled a ‘Nope’ on you, didn’t she?” 

Noctis lifted his hands as high as human flexibility would allow, then dropped them back to his sides.

“Nah don’t feel bad; it’s actually a good sign. Means she likes you.”

Noctis grumbled into his pillows.

“Because _I_ invented that move.” Nyx replied.  He crumpled the newspaper into a ball and lobbed it at his head. “And more importantly I can help you plan your next move.  Keen?”

Noctis turned onto his side to face him. “What’s in it for you?”

“Odin.”

“Her… _dog_?”

“No, _my_ dog. Boxer lab mix. Black as night. Best dog in the world. And also _my_ dog.  I swear to God; miss _one feeding time_ and the lawyers are all up in arms—”

“ _Holy shit_.” Noctis draped an arm across his eyes, groaning.  “You guys were _married._ What the actual— _”_

“Two-man con, Noct. One of us will seduce her, and the other of us will--"

" _Oh my God_."

**-fin-**

 

**Author's Note:**

> cue montage of nyx and noct actually enacting nyx's plan, only for it tank horribly


End file.
